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Fixing a Broken Partner-Picker
Do you have a broken partner-picker? Do you keep picking thewrong partners thinking they are the right ones, only to realizeyou once again picked the same kind of partner as in the past?If so, your partner-picker can be fixed. It just needs a littlework. The following exercise will help you fix yourpartner-picker.1. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readilycome to mind:All men or all women are __________________________________.Did you immediately think of negative terms to define men orwomen? If so, are you sure all men or all women are as youdescribed above? Do you personally know any who are not?The first step to fixing a broken partner-picker is to realizeall kinds of people exist out there in the big wide world ofours. Most singles with a broken partner-picker actually believethe only kinds of people who are out there are the kinds theyhave been meeting. So a woman who keeps meeting unavailable menbelieves all men are unavailable. And a man who keeps meetingwomen who are after his money believes all women are golddiggers.In a way this actually makes sense; we believe the evidence infront of us. However, does the woman who keeps meetingunavailable men keep meeting them because that IS the only kindof man out there, or because she BELIEVES that is the only kindof man out there? In my experience, you will attract all kindsof people, but only notice the kind you believe are out there.To change this, get to know and build friendships with men andwomen who are not as you described above. Work on realizingthere is great diversity in behaviors and attitudes among EACHsex.2. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readilycome to mind:All relationships are ______________________________________.Did you immediately think of negative terms to definerelationships? If so, is it true that all relationships are asyou described? Do you personally know any that are not?The second step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realizethat all kinds of relationships exist out there in the big wideworld of ours. Most singles actually believe the only kind ofrelationship possible is the kind they fear they will end up in.So singles envision a controlling, manipulative partner who asksthem to compromise their very being. Or they envision anuncaring, cold partner who would rather be away from them doingsomething else. Or they envision some other relationship horrorthey would rather not live through.In reality, many different relationship dynamics are possiblebetween two people. Simply because you feel controlled or feeldistance in one relationship does not mean the same thing willhappen to you in every relationship with any person.To change this, get to know and build friendships with coupleswho are not as you described above. Work on realizing just howmany different relationships are around you and what kind of arelationship you want.3. Complete the following sentence with a few words that readilycome to mind:I deserve many positive things in a partner, except_________________, which I don’t feel I deserve.Have you ever been given these kinds of things from others? Ifyou have, was it because you earned these somehow or didsomething to become deserving?How does one come to deserve love, attention, affection, time?Many singles secretly believe the only way they will get love isto somehow buy it – either literally by spending money in arelationship, or figuratively by over-compromising themselves.Others believe they simply deserve only what they have beengiven in the past, which was often not enough.The third step in fixing a broken partner-picker is to realizethat you deserve love, attention, affection, time, etc. Youdon’t have to do anything to earn it except to be yourself. Thisis your inherent right as a human being.To change your feelings about what you deserve, get to know andbuild friendships with people who readily give you THE thing youfeel you do not deserve.Complete this exercise with a friend and share your results witheach other. Get some feedback from people who care about you onthe ideas you came up with. With this feedback, you will be wellon your way to fixing that pesky partner-picker.Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract yourideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship CoachRinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques toattract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visitwww.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, adviceand a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet(tm)!”
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