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SMOOTHING RUFFLED FEATHERS
In the world of birds, ruffled feathers is one sign of a virus.Isn’t that also the case at work? Ruffled feathers can spreadlike a virus throughout your office, department or corporation.Depending on the influence of the ‘ruffled one’, that spread canbe fatal.Infected birds shed the virus by exhaling and excreting. Isn’tthis what happens in the workplace? Gossip and anger can quicklychange the workplace environment from healthy to malicious. And,it’s very contagious.When words are involved, a high level of refinement of the virusis possible. Stories change subtly. Emphasis is given todifferent aspects by different people. Additions are appended.Motives are questioned. Assumptions are made. Often, the initialact becomes entirely unrecognizable in a very short time.What to do? Be H.I.P.!Here are three tips for smoothing ruffled feathers as soon asyou notice them. If you are the ‘ruffler’, implement theseimmediately. If you are the ‘ruffled’, these work for you aswell.BE HONESTOK, you may be thinking, ‘It was honesty that got me into thisposition in the first place!” True, you may have blurted outsome unvarnished truth in a moment of frustration. That’s oftenthe fastest way to ruffle a few feathers.Now that you have calmed down some, it is time for a differentkind of honesty. First, be honest with yourself. What was yourintention when you opened your mouth? Did you intend to inflictpain? Did you intend to create tension and dissention? Did youreally just want to smack the other person and you did it withyour words? Or, were you just a little clumsy in trying torectify a frustrating situation?Now, if you are completely honest, it is likely that you sowanted rid of your frustration that you were lacking a littlefinesse. Right? If that is the case, you can now go to theperson you ruffled and truthfully say that hurt was not yourintent. Be honest about your outburst and identify it as a lessthan effective way of releasing your pain. Ask if you candiscuss the issue and work out a solution that is acceptable toyou both.Oh, so, you really did want them to feel small, dumb andinferior? You’re on your own…likely looking for a newposition. Of course, if you’re the boss and you did this, you’realso on your own…looking for new employees!BE IMMEDIATELet no grass grow under your feet. As soon as you have calmeddown or thought better of your words, go to the other person andacknowledge what’s going on. Take responsibility for your partin the interaction. Don’t let this fester or spread.Different people react differently to pain and stress. Some willinternalize it and make themselves very uncomfortable, evenunwell. Others will spread it around. This is the virus.As soon as you can–as soon as your blood pressure is back tonormal, your vision improves and the blood has returned to yourcenters of reason and logic–take responsibility for what youhave done or said. CAUTION: At this point, there is a tendencyto degenerate into sentences involving the word ‘You’. This isnot the time for that. Speak only about yourself and yourfeelings. This takes practice.Why be immediate? Because pain swells things. You’ve noticedthat. You need to put ice on the situation right away. It’s thatsimple.BE POSITIVEWhen folks are upset, there is a tendency to talk about what youdon’t want, won’t put up with and cannot stand any longer. Sure,that releases your frustration, however, it does not move thesituation forward.Talk about what you do want, what will help and what can smooththe way for a better working relationship. Be positive. Assuringfolks that you want things to work is far better than screamingabout what isn’t working!You don’t have to put on a ‘Pollyanna’ approach to be positive.It is a simple flip of the mind-set. Switch from the past to thefuture. “Let’s do it this way!” is much easier to hear than “Ihate it when you _____!”, isn’t it? Quick rule of thumb: Beforeyou open your mouth, run the words you are about to say throughyour mind. Would you be able to hear it well? Would it help movethe situation to resolution? If the answer is “no”, you’ve gottime to change your words. If the answer is ‘yes’, then proceedwith assurance that you are working to create the bestconsequences.Any young duck can cruise through the pond knocking folks down.Smoothing ruffled feathers takes maturity, intelligence andwillingness. Don’t be a dumb duck. Learn to calm the waters andonly create ripples that get you where you want to go!
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